Debt and maybe prostitution.

Well. It's Friday night. I've spent my evening doing a DIY oil treatment on my hair and watching Sullivan and Son. Thrilling life in the city. I have finished my first week of my last semester at Reading Star Institute. And I gotta tell you it's a weird feeling. Everyday I'm one day closer to the last time I'm going to threaten to throw these tiny monsters out of our third floor windows. It's too soon to get all mushy gushy. I'll save that for my last days, but it's definitely starting to feel real since I've had to start planning my next step. And I guess I ought to go ahead and tell the four of you who faithfully read my blog, and those of you in Russia who like to randomly pop in, what's in store for 2014. I'm going to pastry school. I'm doing it. I've been talking about it forever so now I'm doing it. I may have to solicit my body to afford it or just remain in debt for the rest of my life, but I figure there are worse things than debt and prostitution. 

(The prostitution is a joke, the debt is real. All donations will be accepted. I'll name the bakery after the biggest investor.) 

So, that's what's happening in January. I'll be in Chicago at the French Pastry School. Probably living on the street with no money for food, but I'll be in school. 

For now I have 12 more weeks with my tiny Korean monsters. 12 more weeks to teach another kid the difference between nice to meet you and nice to see you. 12 more weeks to be Peter Pan/Pants Teacher. 12 more weeks for my middle school students to call me an old hag. 12 more weeks to talk about poop and hotdogs with Sean. 12 more weeks to laugh and be very frustrated with my awesome coworkers. 12 more weeks to enjoy everything about this city. 

And forever to be thankful for this past year... okay. Sorry. That was like way cheesy....oh gosh. 12 MORE WEEKS THEN I'M GONNA EAT SO MUCH CHEESE. I want an assorted cheese platter if any of you are thinking about a welcome home gift. Cheddar, Monterey, Colby jack, pepper jack...

Hugs and kisses from Korea. 

powerless

I know you aren't supposed to play favorites. And don't get me wrong. I love all my students. I mean, if it came down to me choosing between my students and selling my organs on the black market, well, I'd get rid of every kidney, spleen, gallbladder, ovary, and small intestine I've got. Clean me out. Like, I love these kids. (What do you do with a gallbladder anyway??) But there are these particular students that have this power over me that some do not. My students don't get to push me around. I push them around. Sometimes I literally push them. Homework is a serious matter. But we have this one kid. This one. Eating the pizza. Sean.

I teach Sean reading. And sometimes he is the most defiant, annoying little ball of a Korean that ever existed. One day he decided that the only word he would write in his workbook was poop. So he had an entire workbook page covered in the word poop. With little piles of poop that he drew to go along with it. Our story had nothing to do with poop. Sometimes when he reads the only audible sound he will make is "blah, blah, blah." Ugh. So frustrating. And THEN after an entire day of talking only about poop and hotdogs and refusing to read his book he makes a perfect score on his test. It's the most aggravating thing under the sun. But I can't get mad at him. I can get very mad at my students. I can rant and rave and give detention like nobody's business. I had a kid write an essay yesterday about how i"m the god of detention. But not Sean. Nope. He's using some Korean magic on me. I've tried. I've tried to yell. I've tired to reason. I've tried to ignore. Nothing works. And he does this thing where he looks at you, says hotdog, and then licks his lips. It's weird and so cute. Gosh. and he will not stay in his chair to save his life. If I had 1,000 won for every time I said "Sean, sit down," well, I'd never work again. And the kid is smart. He plays dumb to get out of his work, but he doesn't have me fooled. He was taking a test one day and he had to write an essay. He knows how to write an essay. All of our kids know how to write essays. Fortunately for me I was proctoring this test and he probably had asked me audibly 10 or 12 times "teacher, how I do?" So I told him that he if spoke one more word I was going to throw him out the window. Well, I don't know how long he'd be staring at me waiting to make eye contact because I had looked back down at my papers. But when I looked back up at him he mouthed, "teacher, how I do?" and pointed to his paper. He'd probably been staring at me for a good 3 minutes. Just waiting. He's crazy. This one time we were reading Cam Jansen and the Mystery of the Circus Clown. And he kept on with his weird voices and his blah blah blahing and I just couldn't take it. How is this helping our pronunciation? It's not. Not at all. So I told him he had to start over and he couldn't sound like a monkey under water anymore. So he starts the page over and in the middle of a sentence he looks up at me and says, "Teacher, how did the monkey get under water?" Well I don't know Sean. That's not even a real expression. And then we had an argument about how the monkey got in the water. Because that's productive. Last week he was being particularly rowdy, so I told him I was forbidding him from ever eating another hotdog or hamburger ever again. He walked into class the next Wednesday and the first thing he said to me was, "Teacher, last night. I eat hamburger." See. He just aggravates to aggravate. I'm powerless to fight back. I don't know how he does it. It's that combination of his bad bowl haircut and his missing teeth. I just melt. 

But I really could tell endless stories about all my kids. And I'm starting to freak about how little time I have left with them. They make me laugh everyday. 

Simon. Sweetest kid. I gave him my ramen leftovers. 

Jerry. The teachers and I could write a book just about Jerry. He's a few fries short of  a happy meal. But he's a blast. (photo credit: Ohio)

Chan-young

Yule (However, he just decided his name is spelled without an "e". He can't be convinced that changes the sound.) 

Evelyn and Donna. Hard at work. 

  

Jay, Jason, Cheryl Teacher, Lion, Luke, and Ted. 

Chan-young and Yul(e). 

friendship food

There is an endless list of difficult things about moving to a different country alone. On the flipside of that, there are endless possibilities. One of the hardest things for me was leaving a huge community of loved ones I’ve been so blessed to have. But I knew I would have some great new people come into my life. And I most certainly have. My coworkers are some of the kindest people I’ve ever known. Feeling incredibly blessed to see them everyday and to learn from them. And feeling the most fortunate to have found the circle of friends I have here. It took some time. And we are the oddest bunch to have ever put together. But we’re together, and I’m not mad about it.

WARNING: the rest of this post is going to be weird. I’m just telling you straight up. Allow me to explain why this weirdness is occurring. As you all know, I have a deep love of all these sugary. Your homegirl likes to bake. And I’ve been deprived of that in my 12x12 square ft apartment, which only has room for an easy bake oven in Celsius degrees. (Exponentially difficult. Really. Give me back Fahrenheit.) So instead I just talk about how I USED to bake a lot. Well, I’m not sure how this all played out, but “the girls” requested that I compare them to pastries. Yeah. Sometimes we run out of things to talk about. We’re together a lot…

Well, I thought it was a great idea! But I’ve expanded from pastries because that limited me to basically just food items. I don’t like to be boxed in. So this is what I’ve come up. (and you should all  know, I spent entirely too much time on this.)

Cheryl is a chocolate chip cookie. Crispy on the outside, chewy on the inside; because let’s be real, she’s always got her act together, but I’ve seen her cry a few times. And she’s just the right amount of sweetness. Not too much to make you sick to your stomach, but enough to make you come back for more. Who doesn’t love a chocolate chip cookie? And who doesn’t love Cheryl? The two go hand in hand. And she’s from the South. Which is wildly comforting when you’re 8,000 miles away from it. Comfortable like a chocolate chip cookie.

Katie is an elegant and perfectly flavored crème brulee. It’s creamy and sweet and I just get excited when somebody says crème brulee. And at first it seems a little daunting to prepare, but once you get going, you realize that such a great product isn’t all the hard to come by. (The torch scares me, but just be gentle.) And that’s how Katie makes me feel. Those big words she uses sometimes cause me to spend more time in my dictionary than actually listening to her, but once you get to know her and speak her language, you realize your life is a lot better with her in it. Katie and crème brulee. Two things I want in my life forever.

Tab is a funfetti cupcake with rainbow sprinkles. Because it isn’t a party without funfetti and it sure ain’t a party without Tab. She’s bright and shiny and energetic and is constantly keeping the rest of us laughing. Tab makes your day a little more exciting. You’re always in for an adventure when Tab is around.

Adventures

Y'all. So much has been going down since my last post. Buddha had a birthday. I had a birthday. We took a trip to Namhae Island. Cheryl and I went to the the Seoul Zoo. Which may not sound too exciting, but everything's more exciting when you can't ask for directions or read signs and you're in one of the biggest zoos in the world.

My Mississippi roots really start to show whenever we go do touristy things. The crowds. Oh emm gee. The crowds. You would think after a significant amount of time being here I'd get used to adjummas pushing me back and forth like a ping pong ball. But. I haven't. I really haven't. So many people on such a small area of land. Just cram 'em in. We went to the Lotus Lantern Festival back in May. It was cool. The lanterns were super neat. I heard a lot of stories about Buddha in a language I don't understand. A good time for all. But I was sitting on the ground for 3 hours and this woman behind me kept balancing her camera on my head to take pictures. The old man beside me had his knee resting on top of my knee. That's not really common. They don't usually touch me, they just stare. But that's how close we were. Our knees had no where else to go but on top of each other. And I didn't mind. Until....until the music started and this man starting slapping his hands on his knees. And with every slap all of the fat in my right thigh jiggled. Like a bowl of jello. and this continued for too long. By the end of the parade Joyce was not a happy camper. Joyce wanted space and a lot of it. But now I can say I've been to the Lotus Lantern Festival and I don't ever have to go again if I don't want to. Great. 

Now let me tell you about my birthday. My birthday was an adventure. Well first let me say this. I'm glad I'm here. Korea is great. Is my job a dreamland of rainbows and sunshine? Hell no. But I'm so thankful for this time. I've said it before and I'll say it again, some days I have NO CLUE why I'm here. and some days I know EXACTLY why I'm here. I say that to say this. Even as painfully charming and gratifying this experience is turning out to be, sometimes being 8,000 miles away from everyone I've ever loved and everything I've ever known is just plain difficult. And on days like your birthday you think more heavily about the people and the circumstances that have shaped you into the person you are right now. And my darling Seoul Sisters understand this. Cheryl, Katie, and Tab are the three best things about this year. Well, beside the fact that I get to see tiny Korean all the time..but I digress. The girls only wanted my birthday to be perfect. And perfect is exactly what it was. If there is one thing in the world I love I think we all know its cupcakes. Sweet intentional Cheryl had planned for us to go to all of these cupcake shops around the city and just indulge ourselves in a smorgasbord of cupcakes all day. We’re all dressed up and ready to hit the town. Now the trouble starts. First, the girls aren’t exactly sure were any of the bakeries are…okay, not big deal. We’ll Google some directions and be one our way. It’s never that simple. We hop in a cab and after a lot of miscommunication because all of us speak Korean with ridiculous American accents we’re our way. So we thought..5 minutes down the road the cab driver realizes he’s out of gas and tells us to get out. He was nice enough to drop us off at a subway station. So we decided to train it instead of cab it. The particular station we were at was under construction. Of course it was. So we walk back up and make the trek to the next closest station. We’re just walking in our dresses and heels in the scorching heat and nobody is happy. And we’re pretending to be happy because it’s my birthday, but we’re just frustrated. Y’all. Finding this place was awful. Lol. Yeah, I just lol’d in a blog, because every time I think about this I laugh out loud. I just did it. Still laughing…We get out of the subway and we have directions to the cupcake shop because Tab as repeatedly called the sweet little lady to ask where its located. Oh, language barriers. We can’t find it. We walk up and down the same street so many times. The lady eventually finds us because she can see a group of four white girls walking up and down the street just looking lost as can be. And talk about frustrated, poor Cheryl was about to have an aneurysm. But, the important thing is that we made it. And I don’t know if it’s because it had been 6 months since I’d had a cupcake, but that thing was ballin. Delicious. One of the best cupcakes I’ve ever had. Worth every bit of the struggle to get to the place. Thankfully the rest of night went fairly smoothly. As smoothly was life can go for four foreign girls in Korea. (for four foreign…say that five times fast.) We had dinner at this little Italian place called Jenny’s Café. Because everything is a café here. And the girls had a scavenger hunt planned for me and I thought most of the things were atrocious and appalling so I refused to participate. It’s my party. I do what I want. Well, party or no party, pretty much doing what I want. It was a great night. We ate a lot of good food, we saw a lot of great friends. I wouldn't have changed a thing...except for those few hours we wandered aimlessly. 

Love and miss you all. More soon :)
xoxo

Andy and Sarah Michelle Gellar.

I think I could write an entire book at the end of this year just full of stories about the weird and funny things my students say. ESL teaching has got to be the most entertaining job. Probably the most stressful also if you care about being effective, but very entertaining. I try so hard to remember the things that happen. I make notes in my phone and my desk drawer at work is full of post-its with quotes from students or little stories so I can blog or journal about them later. And then I don’t blog or journal and my life has just become a pile of funny post-its. (Maybe not what my boss intended when he gave me all those post-its, but seems like a fine purpose to me).  And most of the stories have something to do with my students making comments about my body. It’s ridiculous how obsessed they are with how I look. I mean, I don’t worry about the extra ten (15…20…eh…) pounds hanging around because they are worried enough for all of us.

“Teacher, face so small but body so big.” “Teacher, why you have 3 necks?”

And I can’t even be offended because the look of shock and concern on their faces (still almost 6 months later). I laugh every time.

I’m gonna tell you this story and it involves me discussing my breasts. I apologize for that, but this needs to be told. In one of my classes I teach this little boy named Andy. Andy is a special individual. I have been teaching Andy the same subject for 5 months and Friday when I walked into the classroom the first thing he said to me was,

“Teacher, this book report or reading?”

I rolled my eyes and said, “Andy, how long have I been your teacher?”

He said, “Uuuhhhh….long time?”

 “A long time Andy. What do I teach you?”

 “Uh, book report?”

“Yes, Andy, book report writing.”

“But Teacher, books same color. It hard.”

“It’s not hard Andy. Read the words.”

Children…

Andy doesn’t have the highest English skills in his class (surprise surprise) but he is definitely the most hilarious. And he has this very distinct cackle that might even rival mine. And he has the nerve to tell me I “sound like witch” when I laugh. I’m like, son can you hear yourself? You sound like a deranged hyena. He didn’t know what that was. I said like the crazy hyena named Ed from the Lion King. He knew what that was and he said, “AH! TEACHER!” hahaha

So that’s Andy. Total class clown. Never wanting to stay on topic. Always making fun of somebody. Always making me laugh when I should be disciplining him.

Anyway, so one day in class I just walked over to turn the “air con” on because my class kept saying, “Teacher, hot! Me hot! Air con, please! Hot! Air con!”  Well, if you weren’t running up and down the halls with your 14 layers of clothing on you wouldn’t be so hot right now. Take a couple of jackets off…but no, it has to be air con and then teacher is cold…whatever…no respect. So I’m walking back to the board and I don’t know why he picked today to do this or what was going through this little 10 year old Korean mind but all of sudden I hear Andy’s cackle. I turn around to look at him and he is laughing hard. I mean head thrown back, mouth wide open, eyes closed kind of cackle. Laughing so hard. And now Andy is kind of a husky little Korean. You can tell he eats all of his rice. I said Andy what are you doing??? So then he puts his hands on his little boy boobs and starts to jiggle them. And he is laughing so hard. Just jiggling his little boobs. He’s making fun of me because my breasts move. He’s laughing so hard this point and his face is so red. The rest of class is just wide eye. You can tell they want to laugh but they know that what Andy is doing is wrong so they are just waiting for my response. And I lose it. I mean I just start laughing hysterically. To the point that I can’t stand up and I’m sitting on the floor of my classroom laughing. Andy sees this as a huge victory and pumps his fists in the air. Our school counselor walked by my classroom and saw me on the floor and thought I was crying. She thought I had finally collapsed under the pressure. Needless to say, we didn’t have a productive day…

Oh Andy…

I want to tell you about Sarah too. I wish I had a picture of her but every time I try to take one she runs away and screams teacher no!! She is the most adorable thing. The cutest little round face that I just want to pinch all the time. She’s 11 and a pistol of a little girl. Smart and feisty. We get along. You’re probably wondering why every time I write about students they have English names. They’re just made up. They aren’t their real names. Sometimes my students try to get me to learn their Korean names and I do really go for about ten minutes and then they quiz me the next day and I’ve forgotten them all. With the exception of a few who absolutely refuse to be called by an English name so I’ve been force to remember their real names. Sometimes my students ask my what my Korean name is and I just stare at them…right, because I look so Korean…Well Sarah likes to change her name. Her name right now is Vinny. Because when your name isn’t your real name you can change it. Anytime. Just by saying, hey I changed my name. A few weeks ago when Sarah decided to change her name she was trying out a different name everyday. It was ridiculous. And she would get mad at me when I called her Sarah. Well it just got to the point that I couldn’t remember what her current name was. So I started to call her Sarah Michelle Gellar. She says she hates it but she really loves it. Even now that she has decided on Vinny I can still get away with calling her Sarah Michelle Gellar. When she draws me pictures she always writes from: Sarah Michelle Gellar at the bottom. Also I should tell you that Sarah (Sarah Michelle Gellar, Vinny) wrote a little essay about me in her writing class. And she told me she did this but she wouldn’t let me see it. She would only tell me the things she wrote about. She listed these things out to me:

white skin

nose is up

not kind that much

tall in Korea

big eyes

not slim

earrings many

has 3 necks

everyday nail art

she wants to be model

she make fun to me

I have since stolen her writing workbook from her backpack and read what she wrote about me. It did not include these things. It was very sweet. Except for the part that said she wants to lose her weight…

My students are just weird. Perfect and weird.

Love you guys.

xoxo